Blazing headlines also attract our attention. Especially when we read "Vanguards Invade Inner Van Nuys." It seems the North Hollywood National Guard Unit of the Vanguards was called into active duty in the face of a local crisis. Anxious to discover what has happened to the members of our class, we leave Weddingtonville and make our way to the battlefield, which is located in the dense underbrush surrounding Bob's Van Nuys.
As we approach the front line, Van Nuys Boulevard, we notice a weird sight. General Charles Badger is about to give the order to a firing squad consisting of Warren Aldrich, Larry Bowdle, Pat Cornelius, and Glenn Dalton to shoot. And we recognize Marv Bluestein, Dave Davis, Ronnie Booth, and Al Shroeder as the victims who are about to be "dead ducks." It seems they were caught digging an underground tunnel to the women's barracks. As General Badger gives the signal, Simona Alaimo (Bingville's answer to the Angel of Dien Bien Phu), begs mercy for the four culprits. But not to be dissuaded, the General gives the signal, and loud drips are heard as the repeater water guns do their work (brainwashing).
We continue toward the front lines and find John Coleman, Chris Chavez, and Mike Coronado digging foxholes, while Sergeant Grant Davidson, head fox in charge of holes, lies on the ground smoking a bubble gum cigar and issuing orders. At this moment, Doug Bennell approaches, wearing knickers which are weighted down with medals awarded to him by Hal Green, top Army tin, in Canoga Park, for setting a new record in the four minute mile in the face of duty: two minutes, thirty-eight a seconds (opposite direction). Accompanying him is Norman Gilbrath, chief onion, in charge of wiping the tears from the eyes of the K. P. Patrol, who include: Bob Goodart, Ira Gassman, Merl Glauser, and Slippery Silkwood.
The battle is getting rough now. We dive for cover and hear the cry, "Head for the hills, Vanguards! Paul Coates is taking notes again."
Not being too interested in the Battle of the Bulge, we continue on the hall, where we can literally smell the mess.
Oh, there is Dave Akers, patroling back and forth in front of a big pot. Upon closer inspection, we see it is filled with oranges, and it's obvious he has come a long way, since the sign on his back reads, "Chief Navel Inspector,"
It seems fitting to go from the kitchen to the infirmary, where Doctor of Psychos, Wayne Emerson Dillard, is about to make a diagnosis in the case of poor Marsha Jean Brenton, who imagines herself a big league umpire, and at crucial times during the battle, insisted on yelling out, "Strike three, and yoor out!"
As we leave the infirmary, we run into an old friend, Mike Amador, and begin talking about what has happened to various people in the past 20 years. It is here we learn: Carl Zeller is a mummy duster in Exposition Park, Joan Dobson is Doctor Anthony's successor, Steve Witherby is polishing apples at the Freudenthal Sisters' Market, Elaine Jacobs recently had her third dictionary published, and Angela Marie Amendola is a chicken plucker in a pillow factory.
Also curious as to what has happened to the friends with whom we graduated, we tell him that: Virginia Anderson and Sandra Walspy own a shoe store (strictly for horses), Sondra Arginsky changed her name to Smith, Emily Maryann Catalanotte took off the "e" in her last name to simplify the spelling,
Mike, being a busy man, leaves us and we make our way to the men's barracks to see what's new there. Nothing much. Above Ted Schlocker's bed, we see the new Diane Monroe calendar, and above Bill Rogers' bed, is a picture of Lassie (I guess he's still bashful). Larry Strong, Joe Smith, Burton De Young, Bob Moinicken, Doug Nelson, and Dick Russell, are lying on their bunks listening to Christy Lord singing "Praise the . . ." on the radio. These R.O.T.C. boys have the life!! At that moment, a familiar voice is heard over the air, and announcer Charles Carter is trying to sell (Connie) Bailey's Better Bird Food. After the commercial Mary McKeen plays an oboe selection, accompanied by that great quartet "The Junior Birdmen," including Kent Gould, Curtis Gordon, Stu Goff, and Wimpy Foster. Barbara Bechtold burst into the barracks to tell us Van Nuys is retreating and mess will be served at Bob's (Ecklund). Some of the carhops, forced because of inside spy work to take jobs here, are: Pat Ernst, Joanne Berges, Marcia Bertik, Pat Borden (not of the cows), and Carolyn Brightweiser (no relation to Bud).
After having a little boy and cold chocolate, we return to the camp and as we approach the headquarters of Ernie Gally, we hear the voices of several people. Upon entering the tent, we recognize Sharon Blakely, Carolyn Brough, David Glasser, and Jim Hamilton, intently discussing the plans for a ruse (that is truce). They're having trouble planning the terms, however, because Sergeant Barbara Jean Brown, and Corporal Kay Coldren, insist on gossiping about their former school-mates, so naturally we listen too. "Have you heard that: Paul Roy is a pimiento stuffer in an olive factory; Marlene Charles sews convex leg pants for cowboys; Sharon Coleman holds the women's heavyweight wrestling championship; Bill Kresse paints spots on the backs of ladybugs; Lewis Nelson is the moderator on "What's My Line;" Ron Anderson polishes the teeth on old bear rugs; Nancy Dow is a "Good Luck Wisher" to deep sea divers; Larry Atkins collects rain drops for White Rain shampoo; Al Kunze is a writer of "tum-te-tum-tum" songs for people who have difficulty in learning words; Mike Kruse is a map maker for interplanetary space travel; Dave Gair is a window wash in Rita LaRoy's Charm School; Rodney Elson is a row boater for pooped out motors; Carol Dreher is a polisher in a goldfish laundry; Ron Smith moistens labels in a catsup cannery; Robert Holmquist invented the glassless window for people who don't particularly care to see outside; and Al Romero is a traffic cop for long worms who have no turning."
"That's nothing, did you know that: Jim Ward checks lights in a refrigerator